There used to be a time in my life where I lived in peaceful obscurity, but as time passes on and the more I get behind my camera…this seems to be something that I struggle with. Please, do not get me wrong. I absolutely love photography. It is every bit my therapy. Quite honestly, its the cheapest therapy I’ve ever known. When I am behind my camera I’m in “the zone”. I still have the *typical* PTSD symptoms of making sure someone always knows where I am at and who I am going to be with…but the anxiety that comes with it…is gone. For those moments I’m not grabbing my Apple watch to check my heart rate. I’m not checking my purse to make sure that I’ve got my anxiety meds – something that is a lifeline any other day of the week. No, I’m calm…I’m cool…I’m collected…usually.
Sure, there are the occasional times I find myself in panic…when someone grabs me from behind, or a client that talks about raping his girlfriend (yes, that has happened). But for the most part getting behind a camera are some of my best days. Even when a mom is apologizing for her child not cooperating for the hundredth time I’m like “eh, it happens.”
So I’m finding a bit of a struggle that my photography life is clashing with my personal life in ways I never thought of.
Don’t misunderstand me. I have made a LOT of friends doing photography. There is Lynn who has turned into a sounding board for not just photography input from a “client” perspective, but also a sounding board as a friend. There is Jennifer who repeatedly sings my praises as a photographer, but also someone I know I can call as a friend if I’m bawling my eyes out for x,y,z. And even Marlene who is constantly throwing me her thoughts ideas on how I can progress.
For many…I’ve watched them change and grow. And I have loved every minute of it.
However, as I am quickly learning, this is coming with a little bit of a loss of privacy. I’m not sure how it is happening, because I try to keep photography separated from my personal life – unless I become friends with the people I photograph – but I am receiving messages to my personal accounts pretty regularly now. And I find it a little overwhelming.
I don’t really have anything to hide, really. I’m a pretty open person, and 90% of my social media is open access anyway…but there is just something inherently wrong to me about tracking someone down to their personal social media when there is a photography page, group, and website in which to contact them. Am I wrong? Or is it the PTSD rearing its ugly head? Sometimes it is hard telling.
“Privacy is not something that I’m merely entitled to, it’s an absolute prerequisite.” ― Marlon Brando